How to Talk With Your Child About an Assessment
Starting a conversation with your child about the assessment can feel intimidating - it’s often a sensitive topic and not always easy to approach. However, discussing the assessment in advance is an important step in helping your child feel prepared and supported. Introducing the idea ahead of time can help reduce anxiety on the day of testing and foster a sense of agency by involving them in the process. Here are some tips and talking points to help you get started:
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Starting the Conversation
A good place to start when initiating the conversation is acknowledging your child's struggles and validating them. Overall, the conversation could begin with something like this: "I’ve noticed you've been struggling in school lately. Have you felt like that too? I can see that this has been (stressful, frustrating, bothering) you too and I want to help. I’ve been thinking that if we knew more about how you learn, your teachers and I could do a better job teaching you. Last week, I spoke with a person who could help us find a way to make school easier for you. We'd like you to work with her to help us figure out what we can do differently."
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Describing the Assessment
Simply put, the purpose of an assessment is to learn how you learn. This helps parents know how best to support you and helps teachers know how to teach you. It can also help you understand more about your own brain, your unique learning style, and how to advocate for yourself. During the assessment, your child will be doing a variety of activities with the examiner. There will be word games and puzzles, but the examiner will also chat with them about what they like to do, their experiences at school and at home, and try to figure out why things are hard.
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If we're going to be visiting your child at school, it's a good idea to tell them ahead of time so that they are not caught off guard when it happens. This can also help them plan to arrive to the assessment on their terms. For example, if they do not want to be called-in in front of their class, this is something that can be planned for in advance.
For young children, it may be important to let them know that this is not like a medical appointment. They are not sick and there is nothing wrong with them. Older children or teens may need a reminder that this is a confidential process, focused on learning more about them. Their input is extremely important to figuring out what will be most helpful for them.
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Encourage Your Child's Input
Your child will likely have questions of their own, and encouraging them to take time to explore their thoughts and questions surrounding the assessment will not only get them more invested in the assessment process, but it will help us help them too! This could look like: "I’m wondering what you’d like to know about how you learn? If you can’t think of anything right now, that’s okay. I’ll ask you again later and we can try to write down a list together. That way when we go in for the assessment, we can make sure you get answers too!"
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Talk Over a Fun Activity
Sometimes, when children are told they're going to be assessed, they may worry that something is wrong with them, or that they've done something wrong and are now in trouble. As such, it can be helpful to talk to your child about the assessment in a place where it's obvious that there is nothing wrong and they are not in trouble. Taking them through their favourite drive through or grabbing snacks, going for ice cream, or walking the dog are all good ways to have a conversation without it feeling "too serious."
What if My Child Doesn't Want to Be Assessed?
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Meet Them Where They Are
Sometimes, children resist testing because they don't feel understood. Think along the lines of: "If the adults in my life don't understand what I'm going through, how will the assessment help anything?"More often than not, your child will recognize that they are struggling. That being said, this does not guarantee they will be immediately on board with the assessment. Even if you both notice the same issues, you may understand and describe them differently. As a result, your child may feel unheard or misunderstood. Meeting your child where they are is a good way to bridge this perceived disconnect. A great way to do this is by using your child's words to describe the problem. By using their language, you're communicating to them that the assessment is going to help them address their problem, not just ours.
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For example, let's say a child has not been studying for tests despite their parents reminding them and trying to get them to do so when at home. From an adult's perspective, this issue could be described as: "My child won't study for tests and sets herself up for failure." Whereas from the child's perspective, the problem could be:"My parents always bug me about studying! I wish they'd lay off me!" When introducing the idea of an assessment, talking about this problem from the child's perspective would look something like this: "I've noticed we seem to be in a bad nagging cycle about studying. I know you don't like it and I don't either. I wonder if there's a way we can break out of it?"
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Remind Them It's Their Choice
Making it clear that no one is going to force them to do the assessment can actually increase the likelihood they'll participate. Knowing it's not mandatory takes pressure off and allows us to work with our clients on their terms. If on the day of their assessment your child is reluctant or outright refuses to go, try moving the focus of the conversation away from testing and frame it more as an opportunity for them to just meet us and see how they feel. For example, you could say something to the effect of: "I can tell you're really not feeling it right now. If I was you, I can imagine I'd skeptical as well! I will respect your decision if you decide you really do not want to do it. At the same time, I want to make sure you have all the information before you make your final decision. Would you be willing to come meet them with me?"
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We Are Here to help
There are a multitude of reasons why a child may not want to participate in an assessment, and it can take time to recognize and address them all. Testing can be rescheduled, and we will always prioritize establishing trust and building a positive relationship with our clients and their families. If your child is having a really hard time or refusing to come in, we can work together to figure it out! Please do not hesitate to reach out to us if this is the case!